THE GIFT

Let me take you back to October 2004. My friends Wayne, Brand, and I are in line to see the Uffizi in Florence. Brad is telling us how his mother told him he should buy a gift for his future wife while he’s in Italy. We have three hours to kill, so we discuss this at length. I thought the idea was ridiculous, but mentioned that I might just buy a suit fitted for a 6’4” man, so that it could serve as a glass slipper of sorts for my future husband. Anyway, in Venice Wayne actually bought a gift for his future wife. Brad didn’t (ran out of money?) and I didn’t (thought it was lame). This led to endless jokes and fake email accounts claiming to be Wayne’s future wife and that we’d heard about the glass flower.

But it worked. A year later, Wayne was married.

And so, as the mocking of the future wife gift still ensues between my friend Janae and me, I mentioned that the only thing keeping me single was my lack of a gift for my future husband. And since I’m in a foreign country, I might as well do it now.

Let’s fast-forward to July 2006. We are in New Zealand, and I am now the one trying to convince Steve and Carrie to buy presents for their future spouses. I even gave suggestions: Carrie buy a New Zealand beanie for her future husband; Steve buy a jade kiwi bird for his future wife. They both resisted, but I had learned my lesson. I swallowed my pride and purchased the greatest gift my future husband could ever want.

Now, I am going to share what I purchased, but have some hesitations. What if some man finds out about the gift and just uses me for it? A loveless marriage, all because I posted a photo of my future husband gift online. I will have to be cautious towards any sudden proposals of marriage. But here it is - what we fondly refer to as “the fertility god”.